Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wild fling or a wedding ring? That is the question. This may be something you frequently ask yourself. Or maybe not.
Now I realize that in my previous post I promised you greatness and thrills and stuff, and I know that you are probably wondering how these two seemingly trashy romance novels could possibly provide all these things, right?
Well, let me start from the beginning....
It was a cold, dark and stormy night. I had just arrived home from teaching an Abs!Abs!Abs! class at my local fitness center. At the time I was feeling a little bored with my life. My weekly routine was getting dull and predictable and I longed for a burst of excitement to ejaculate into my life. As I yanked open my apartment lobby door, I sensed something was different. The smell of cigarette smoke, McCain fries and ass was slightly stronger than usual....but that wasn't it. Then I spotted them - over to my right, on the mahogany newspaper table, lay two well worn romance novels. I gingerly picked up Savage Moon by Cassie Edwards and let the book fall open on its own. I believe that often, when we are seeking something, our Higher Selves will guide us to the information that we need in that moment in order to enrich our journey on our life path. My eyes fell on these words: "The heat in [Soaring Hawk's] loins had built to something almost unbearable, a heat that could only be quelled by taking Misshi to bed."
I speedily scanned the rest of the page, only to find that once Soaring Hawk notices the "dancing moonbeams" that fill Misshi's eyes he decides to hold off. "She was so glad that Soaring Hawk put his respect for her ahead of the needs of his own body."
Good God! Who would leave this drivel just lying around? I wondered. It had to be one of the depraved senior citizens that was always milling around the entrance.
I skimmed ahead to the pivotal scene: "A blaze of urgency filled her as his tongue continued to pleasure her in a way she would have thought forbidden." tee hee! "But the wild, exuberant passion it created within her made her uncaring of society's rules." And then there were copious references to "throbbing mounds", "throbbing womanhood" and filling one with one's "throbbing need".
What does it mean? I thought. What does all this throbbing mean?!
I decided to find out in the privacy of my own apartment. I nonchalantly slipped the novels into my bag and hurried upstairs. Forty minutes later, I had finished Myra Lyn Kelly's "Wild Fling or a Wedding Ring?" and I can honestly say my life will never be the same again.
I love to read novels, but I tend to lean toward Margaret Atwood-type novels, or novels with the Oprah seal of approval or some literary award stamp. So it was refreshing to pick up a novel that had a picture of an engagement ring and the slogan "hot days, hotter nights" in the place of an annoying Pullitzer Prize sticker. Despite having just finished the book, I cannot really tell you what it was about, but that is the beauty of a Harlequin Romance novel - it doesn't matter!
Harlequins are light and fluffy like white cupcakes with pink buttercream frosting. If you're used to eating sugarless bran muffins, you may feel a sense of revulsion at the sight of a cupcake, with its artificial colored icing and sprinkles, innocently begging you to destroy its facade of purity with your mouth. But when no one important is looking, you devour it and think to yourself my goodness, this is deeeelightful! But of course you do not switch from Bran to cancer cakes, and you certainly don't become obsessed with the stupid treats - but every now and then that skanky cupcake floats through your mind like the Latin lover you had on that high school band trip to Mexico twelve years ago, and a devilish smile crosses your face...
So to sum it up, reading a Harlequin Romance can be a refreshing diversion from the everyday (unless of course, you normally read Harlequin's, then I suggest you read The Handmaid's Tale by Atwood or something equally depressing to really shake things up), a diversion that is enjoyable, light, fluffy and makes you really appreciate those All-Bran books that you usually read. Over the last few weeks I read The Red Tent (Anita Diamant), Love Freedom Aloneness (Osho) and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but in between I also read a novel that featured a shirtless hunk of man-meat on its cover (see above picture). So to answer the question wild fling or a wedding ring? I can honestly say....wild fling!