Sunday, June 24, 2012

Ryan not that hot

When did Ryan Gosling become the benchmark for sexy?

Anytime someone is trying to describe how hot someone is or make a reference to their outlandish sexual fantasies, Ryan Gosling is mentioned.

Here are a few examples:
"I wouldn't sleep with him unless he was Ryan Gosling! Teeheehee!"
"All I want for my birthday is Ryan Gosling jumping out of a cake!"
"Last night I dreamed I was being served chocolate covered strawberries by a naked Ryan Gosling!"
"My ideal man would be a cross between Ryan Gosling and....Ryan Gosling! Bwahaha!"
"The male stripper was a splitting image of......Ryan Fucking Gosling!"

Nearly every blog post these days makes reference to Ryan Gosling as if he were the only hot guy on the planet. The other day I was washing dishes, listening to the radio and the radio announcer made some stupid Ryan Gosling comment and I thought there it is again! It must be a conspiracy!

I suspect that the American government has some sort of plan to brainwash women into going along with their political agenda and the first step is to indoctrinate them into thinking Ryan Gosling is the sexiest man alive. That is the first step. Then once that is accomplished, it will be easier to implant other, more ludicrous ideas into their minds.

But I am getting off topic. My main point is that Ryan Gosling is really not all that hot. Not just in my own personal opinion, but in reality. Although the two rarely differ.

Sure, Ryan Gosling may be cute. Attractive even! And if he begged me to have sex with him, I just might. But I certainly don't waste any time fantasizing about Ryan Gosling wearing nothing but a bow-tie, serving me chocolate strawberries in bed, while the latest god awful Micheal Buble song warbles in the background. And neither should you. Get it together.

I am now convinced that Ryan Gosling is the male equivalent of Megan Fox, that insipid twit who men with no substance or taste find attractive. But maybe I am being too cruel. Gosling, after all, looks normal. And maybe that is what I have been trying to get across.

Ryan Gosling is just a normal looking dude. Kind of cute and charming. Seems reasonably intelligent. But c'mon people! He is definitely NOT the benchmark for sexy. And many people out there insist that he is.

But why? Why him?

Is it because he was in The Notebook? Which was, by the way, one of the most horrid, awful movies of all time. I realize that because I am a chick I am supposed to automatically LOVE The Notebook. But guess what? I didn't. I hated it. It was sappy and manipulative in ways that were cliche and nauseating and it makes me angry whenever it's mere name is mentioned.

So in the name of research I went creeping on the internet, trying to discover what it is about Ryan Gosling that so many women find so irresistable. I didn't get far. I made it to YouTube and watched countless videos, including this one:

By the time I was done I was so horny I had to cool myself down with a cold glass of Crystal Lite and re-watch The Notebook to snap myself out of the robotic mind-control brainwashing that was beginning to take place inside my mind.

But that's not important. What is important is my prediction that this Ryan Gosling spell that everyone seems to be under will only lead to the inevitable. Mark my words, Ryan Gosling will be on the cover of People magazine's 2012 Sexiest Man Alive issue - as the Sexiest Man Alive. Which, of course, he is not.

1 comment:

  1. thank god i´m not the only person in the world who doesn´t understand all the ryan-gosling-is-so-freaking-sexy attitude...found your blog cause i was searching for anyone who actually agrees with me lol